Grenades Through Your Window Money

Here's a fun one for all of you smokers out there:  Urea, a chemical compound found in Urine, is added to cigarettes for extra flavor.  Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, literally.  

And it's that great time of the year where we all spend countless hours preparing a Halloween costume.  Let me tell you one thing about Halloween:  It's not celebrated in Eastern Europe. In fact, Just living there in the late 80's slash early 90's is scary enough.  For Example:

1) Seeing my grandmother cutting off a chicken's head on a tree stump in the backyard. 

2) Running home from school from a dog who in no doubt had rabies (Trust me the standing still trick does not work, ask my friend Miko, his shit got bit, sorry bro)

3) Waiting in line for bread, for bread, bread for Christ Sake!

4) Playing the trucks and cars game around the brick sandbox.  If you don't know now, you don't want to know now.  Just know the end result was a cracked skull. 

On a lighter note, if you want to scare the shit out of someone, or specifically me, go as Zeke The Plumber or The Ripper from Last Action Hero.  Zeke still haunts my dreams. 

More breaks than a truck stop or like my first Halloween experience in the 2nd grade when I was forced to play musical chairs while they played the Monster Mash.  Music would stop and all I would do is look at the damn cup cakes from Stew Leanord's.  Last time I checked there wasn't an instructional video on Tale Spin airing on CW at the time on how to play musical chairs. I did know how to play the trucks and cars game though!  Similar rules apply sans body checking. 

Buffalo Bill just ended up hanging out with the Decepticons after a 24 hour crack binge.  His voice now sounds like this.  

When the Cowboys suck, the Yankees don't win the World Series, Michigan has no chance of winning the BCS, the Bulls lose their first game, The Doctor keeps on holding off on the Detox,  the Tar Heels end up being your only hope for College Basketball, and you start hating your parents for moving you across the sea in 1991, there's always Rihanna.

Although this song is from an old album it looks like Major Lazer is working on a new album which means someone is going to get pregnant.  When something like this drops you see the birthrate in Jamaica sky rocket by 450%, or is that the current sales increase in 4 Loko?  I might have my facts crossed.  Pat any thoughts?

The Wombats - Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves) (96 Bulls Remix)

The Wombats - Tokyo (Vampires & Wolves) ('96 Bulls Remix) by '96 Bulls

Things that you may not here very often are bands with abstruse names like this one or: you find yourself sweatin with your shirt off in an alley not for money but for a bite of the man's hamburger.  What?  This Guy just quoted Rollbounce.  

Shutterbug Swing Tree by whitepandamusic

The White Panda - Shutterbug Swing Tree

Sadly I missed The White Panda perform at Santos Party House on a Tuesday night earlier this month.  I'm sure it was a hell of a time, but the last time I went to a concert where the crowd was all ages I can't help but to think back to the scene in Wet Hot American Summer where all of the camp counselor's decide to go into town for an hour.  It's either that or what the inside of an Opium Den looks like.  

Bronus:

Mr. Physics - Pretty Light vs. Westside Connection 

West West Y'all





From last year, but oh so so good.  That's a double so. 

If you're like most people living in this country you've once or twice have operated a chainsaw.  To be honest I've always wanted to be a lumberjack.  You know wake up in the morning make some eggs and coffee and go out the door knowing you're about to cut down a bunch of shit that inevitably will fall down on top of you at some point.  I still prefer using an actual axe Paul Bunyan style.  

I challenged Fred Flinstone to a car race a won!

My victory was not because of my freakishly fast feet, but because my wheels were created out of hard stone bagels cerca 1700 which were preserved after Poland's king Jan Sobieski defeated the Ottoman Turks in 1683. Probably the only victory Poland has ever celebrated. Back to the bagel. Many believe that it was created to celebrate this legendary victory for the Poles. However, the bagel was actually created much earlier in Krakow, to rival the bublik, a lean bread of wheat flower designed for lent.

Needless to say, Fred was pretty pissed. I mean Yabba Dabba Do pissed. Therefore, I am creating a playlist for Fred....not really.



I spent about 7 hours in the car on Sunday driving from the south and the only song that was able to generate any sort of movement that slightly resembled tourrette finger pointing was this. Taylor was all hopped up on West Virginia coffee and subway and that formula really out did my performance. I will give him this one, but I have to add that while he slept in a bed, I woke up outside on a porch with no shirt on and he didn't partake in the four loco challenge over the weekend. P.S to avoid a migraine, don't watch the video, just listen.



Toot it and boot it. Only one thing comes to mind when I read the title of this song. These guys are obviously talking about the two finger maneuver we all refer to as pulling the trigger after a beautiful brunch at I-hop. Apparently not. I still have no idea what it means. Something about meeting a lady at the club, bringing her back to crib and feeding her left over Papa John's.



What hasn't been said about Baltimore that hasn't been said about Baltimore. They are responsible for Omar Little, ton of laxabunga, one of the greatest Hooters establishments, and a team that continuously gets pounded by the Yankees year in year out. All hope is not lost for Bodymore. Now they got this white rapper called E-dubble who raps over Ratatat. In all honesty, he keeps it real I mean really real. Who else do you know that can make laundry sound baller as shit.



I've been saying this all along and no one is safe. The gold chains are coming back, people will be wearing white jeans, men will be wearing heels, my mom will eventually be posting Abba videos on my facebook wall, the bridge and tunnel crowd will take over lower Manhattan and Barbra Streisand will be starring in a Saturday Night Fever Musical on Broadway. John Travolta declined the invite because he is busy shooting Battlefield Earth 2: Return of the douche bag.



Honestly when I start writing commentary for a song I usually write the first thing that pops in my mind which in this case were squirrels running around chasing each other up trees, collecting acorns getting all fat with their buckteeth laughing. But they don't deserve this for one reason and one reason only. Way back in the day when I was about 8 playing in the yard of a church (WTF?) one of them decided to lunge at me and nearly gnawed my face off. To this day I despise them.



I had to put my grapefruit juice down for this one. Guess what I'm doing now? Yep, Waddling my head side to side. Not Bobbing, waddling. Not because I'm resting my large head on a pillow, but because side to side movements are in and back and forth is so 2005.



So it's Thursday evening and I had just rushed to throw some songs on my I-pod and catch my train en route to Baltimore. So I'm on the 1 heading to Penn Station listening to Cudi and I see this guy slightly resembling Santa Claus + Buddha + someone who just had eaten way too much pizza crust just taking pictures of the guy sitting across from him reading the Wall Street Journal. Obviously these two knew each other. Obviously not. Next thing you know they get in a verbal spat about Freedom vs Privacy rights blah blah blah and the only thing I could conjure was why the hell was this guy not taking pictures of me. I mean dude, I had the new I-pod nano on, lax stick in hand and a shirt that read "Brotally". What a dick. I mean the Wall Street Journal over a lax stick, come on son! I read that thing like twice a week and all they talk about is money and world issues while I'm standing there representing everything that is Native American.  In all seriousness that shit was so creepy.

Bronus:

You Going Somewhere?

Many people consider me to be a relatively safe driver.  This of course stems from the fact that I listen to very calming and tranquil music while on long car rides.  You may also know that it takes me a lot to get excited and most of the time I like to sit still.  So needless to say, I never rush to get anywhere in order to keep every driver on the road safe.  Keys in ignition, seatbelt on, shoes tied tight and we're ready to go.  I failed to mention this only applies to when my car is in reverse backing out of a drive way.  After that, none of the above applies. Say hi to my friends dog Lucy.

Well ladies and gentlemen this guy is hitting the road again this weekend for a relative short distance of 300 miles.  Luckily for all of us, I won't be operating a vehicle.  We'll leave that up to Kemper and Scott.  However, the things I will be operating is the music and the window button so I can holla holla holla.  

Starting off with a bang, this is the song that was responsible for crashing my sisters Acura into a ditch.  I know what you're thinking. How can such a low gravity car come up on two wheels and spin out of control?  Factor in some windy roads, going 50 in a 25 and an idiot behind the wheel and the end result is having two of your friends push you out.  We replayed it on the drive home. 

Crookers - Boxer (Feat. Nic Sarno) 

Ahhh yes, nothing like some good old fashioned jersey turnpike music.   Really enjoy driving down this stretch of highway to really take in the sights and the sweet smell of fresh......what the hell is that smell? 

Alex Clare 'Up All Night' M3 (Produced by Diplo & Switch) by IslandRecordsA&RUK

By now you should be on your 3rd or 4th red bull and half way through your king size bag of beef jerky that you picked up at the Vince Lombardi stop in Dirty Jerz.  It's either that or you just restarted the Panic at the Disco CD.  

Rihanna - Only Girl (In The Club) (Extended Club Mix) by Hypetrak

No car ride should be empty without Rihanna.  Just make sure your girlfriend is not sitting in shotgun or anywhere else in the car.  For she probably loves country music and would prefer that you put on some shit by Phil Vassar.  

Well looks like you finally reached your destination.  You've been driving for 6 hours straight and you have come to see some familiar land marks.  Then you realize you have about 100 miles to go.  This of course doesn't apply if you use GPS.  Only play this if you're driving through West Virginia, apparently that state is keen to animal noises. 

10:30 20 125 3 41.6 540 140 6:30.  The time is 10:30 and it takes you 20 minutes at 125 miles per hour to drive 3 people 41.6 miles to your final destination of 540 miles with one cup of coffee (equivalent to 140 mg's of caffeine) to make the trip in 6 hours and 30 minutes.  Which means you can play this song at least 3 times and still have 3 minutes and 57 seconds for some decent convo. Oh like you've never done some killer math equations for fun on your last drive. Write that down. 

Car Bronus: 

3 factors that could really make your drive anywhere a shitty experience.  Rain, Traffic, and giving full audio responsibility to someone like myself. 

A-team just touched down in Jamaica with the Cookie Monster.

Where's Your Will to be Weird?

Meteorologists, who have an obsession with running, have conducted a study that if you get caught in the rain, it is best to keep a moderate pace that is the equivalent to 5.32 miles per hour instead of trying to run through it at a pace of 8.7 miles per hour. However, if you reach a maximum speed of 12.6 miles per hour you should be relatively dry. Now if you are over 6 feet tall, you should just carry an umbrella, because you're inevitably going to get hit by a car. True Story.

Annnnnd we're back!  I failed to post over the weekend, because my true intentions for the weekend was to rage my face off.  Result?  No raging occurred, but I did get to go to the Giants vs. Bears game which was a display of awes...fail football, some Giants fans asking me who Randy was and explaining to a friend that I got the butterscotch candy out of the candy jar because of good karma.  Time to dance.

Highlight of the Game:  Hakeem Nicks catching 8 passes so I can deliberately shout the following:



Busy P - Pedrophillia (Chew Chocolate Cookies Remix)



What Happens when you take the Cookie Monsters cookies away and substitute with a steady dose of meth-amphetamines? A song that sounds like 10 fire alarms, an ambulance driving down the block and Denzel Washington doing the Macarena.  Cookie, Cookie Cookie!

Kanye West - Christian Dior Denim Flow (feat. everyone and their mother) 

God damn it's so hard not to like Kanye. Every week rolls out a free song that is not only good, but a hit and they continuously get better and better.  What makes matter worse is he's responsible for Duck Sauce.  Pretty much made Barbra Streisand into a brand.

Felguk - 2nite feat. Sporty-O

This song is just powered by INTZ.  Dut Dut checked out a while ago, but Intz just took it straight home on this one.



With the fall comes the rain and football.  Which means only one thing.  We all plan our route off of the subway 5 moves in advance.  First you have to pick your blocker.  For me, I tend to target a female who seems overly anxious and stressed rushing to get to work who is under 5 foot 3.  This allows you to have clear view of what lies ahead, crack-berries.  Now, once you break into the secondary opt in for either the Barry Sanders, stutter step or the left left right icky shuffle.  If all else fails, put your shit into beast mode and do the French Commute (see instructional video above from Justice).  Ballin!

M.I.A - Paper Planes (Scottie B Remix) 

Everyone please stand up and give a standing ovation to a DJ that will never be mentioned.  Single handedly was able to make Paper Planes better by upping the gunshot total to 939.  Got the paper, pencil and tally marks to prove it.  The answer is yes.  This song is my morning alarm and when my mother calls. Last gunshot post, I swear.

Clipse feat. Sean Paul vs. Pilot - Magic Grindin

This is were it all began.  My first ever hype machine favorite.  3 years later we have come full circle in the world of mash ups.



If you're like me, which is about 90% of the entire world population, you are a fan of 50 cent, vitamin water, symphony orchestra's and t.v commercials.  Now a couple of year's back there was some footage of 50 cent breaking into a orchestra practice where Dj Whoo Kid held up a violinist for his spot in the orchestra, while 50 was the conductor.



And Finally someone has answered my demand and created the full version.


Bronus

When I was in high school my sister had this awkward dance techy phase that unfortunately rubbed off on me. The difference was I have A.D.D and like bright colors.  So I ended up listening to a genre called Happy Hardcore and bought a bunch of cd's that looked like this:

Which sounded like this: 

Which would of resulted me ending up like the guy below if  my parents raised me in Long Island and not Connecticut, where I was surrounded by Phishy noodle dancers. You know who you are.